Semper FFFUUUUUU

Saying I am patriotic would not be a downright lie, but it certainly would not be the absolute truth. I mean, I love my country and am grateful for the freedoms I know many men and women fought, sacrificed, and died for, but you’ll never see me headlining some Independence Day Parade with the US flag painted on my chest, singing “America the Beautiful.” I had my anti-America phase.

That is to say, I listened to the album American Idiot religiously and was generally all-around an angsty, mildly rebellious and pretty damn ignorant 14-year-old.

Ahem.

Anyone with any sense of irony might chuckle, then, to know that my freshmen year of college one of my best friends was a soon-to-be 2nd Lieutenant in the Marines. He taught me a lot, and definitely gave me a fresh perspective on the military (I am by no means a pacifist anymore) and what it really means to serve our country. I respect him a lot for the sacrifices he has already made, and is wholeheartedly willing to keep making in the name of justice, and to bring our boys who are already out there, back home to their loved ones.

Yeah. He’s kind of my hero.

Being a Marine is a huge part of his life, but it is not the only part. He’s also a gnarly guitarist. He’s the guy who introduced me to Creature Comforts and Oh, Sleeper and Dr. Horrible’s Sing-A-Long Blog. He’s the guy who took me out to dinner when I was sad and who gave me some of the best (albeit hardest) advice of my life on multiple occasions.

He’s just awesome, okay? Take my word for it.

So I HATE IT when anyone (girls especially, I guess) go all googly-eyed over the boy in uniform. I have to admit there is this uncanny appeal to the dress blues, but I dunno, I just think it’s shallow to want to get to know a guy or just get into his pants because he’s military. In this particular instance, I’m sure I’m at least a little biased. But just because I’m a musician doesn’t mean I walk around with my bass slung on me all the time, now does it. I’m also a writer and I like Transformers and big hugs and if you wanna love me,  if you get to really know me, these are all things you will learn. Everyone deserves respect and to be treated like a person. He’s a man, ladies. Not just a piece of meat in a pretty blue coat.

/endrant

Temples of Syrinx be Damned

It’s almost time for me to go back to school! I feel like this summer has gone by pretty fast, but at the same time, the second half of May feels like eons ago. That's a hyperbole. La.

Anyway, I’m stoked for my sophomore year and my awesome roomies-to-be and the classes I’m taking and the ensembles I’m going to be in. I know how to do the college thing now, and I’m ready to hit the ground running. Woo.

I had an epiphany today. Here’s some background for it:

In October, I will be an employee of my local school district for two years. The only legitimate, official-paycheck-receiving job I’ve ever had has been custodial work. I’ve mentioned before that this bothers me not in the least, because I enjoy the atmosphere and the myriad interesting people I have met and befriended, a more colorful bunch than the wide range of chemicals we use. I’ve learned from the job itself and from those I work with both about myself in relation to the world, and how to improve that standing. I get a lot of satisfaction from working with my hands, and I would rather dance in the loading dock while hosing down blinds than sit in a cubicle any day.

But I have learned that no job is perfect, and no matter where your employment hails from, you must deal with insufferable co-workers or customers, chaotic administration, and the pressure to meet the haphazard standards of your various superiors. This summer has been stressful for me for many of the above listed reasons, but most days I like the think the pros outweigh the cons.

That all being said, sometimes the only thing getting me through the day is the knowledge that this gig is only a step on my long-term employment journey. I’m going to school to be a professional musician, after all. Just keep going, I tell myself, you won’t be stuck cleaning (fill in the blank) forever.

But as the summer has gone on, I began to realize that I really wouldn’t mind any kind of job, from a dish washer to a pizza delivery girl, as long as at the end of the day, I got to go home to someone I loved, and who loved me. Nothing is ever as bad as it could be if you know what you’ve got waiting for you at home.

I’m going to school with the ultimate goal of using my musical talents (and biblical and religious knowledge) in some form of ministry, whether by joining a church as their worship leader, or playing on a team that tours youth conferences, or whatever God tells me to do with my life. Ideally, this would be a full-time job and career path for me, but today (this is the epiphany, so pay attention)

I decided that I really don’t care what kind of job I have. Right now, I am so blessed to be able to go to a school with a phenomenal music program and professors who are totally committed to helping me learn and grow in my calling. There is no doubt in my mind the next three years will hold untold experience for me, and I will graduate equipped to be the best musician possible. I also firmly believe that God has placed this calling on my life, and he has given me the talents I have for the purpose of serving him and furthering his kingdom.

And that’s enough. As long as I serve in some musical, ministering capacity, I could be driving a garbage truck full time for all I care. When I’m older I know I will have all sorts of monetary responsibilities, and I will make sure there are all met and taken care of. 

To quote Rush, “Listen to my music/ And hear what it can do/ There’s something here as strong as life/ I know that it will reach you” (2112, IV: Presentation).

My passions don’t have to pay my bills. So long as the bill-paying never gets in the way of my passion.

Let's Tango

14 DAYS TIL SPACE DRACULA'S BASKETBALL EXPO AHHHHH YAYYYY WHOOOO.

...I still need to acquire moon boots. And a cape. >.> But have no fear! Squandering much time and money on nonsensical accessories is the new name of the game.

Also. Check out my sweet beard. I think I'll be Abe Lincoln for Halloween.

I just finished the second week of my summer job (I'm a custodian. It's just as sexy as it sounds) and that's been pretty fantastic. I'm thoroughly convinced one of my co-workers is a robot (or at least a cyborg) and if that isn't exciting enough I've cleaned numerous offices and learned how to operate heavy machinery! Huzzah!

My job is always interesting because we have such an eclectic mix of people on our crew that the melting pot of opinions on everything from religion to today's youth is almost always bubbling over. It's provided an interesting perspective for me because I am the youngest employee by at least 20 years, and rubbing elbows with parents and cancer survivors and even the select few with massive chips on their shoulders has taught me a lot already. And it's made me hope sincerely that cynicism is in no way contagious.


BUT THIS POST WILL PREDOMINANTLY BE ABOUT TRANSFORMERS: DARK OF THE MOON.


It took two viewings for me to form my highly professional opinion, but Transformers 3 is nothing short of an epic. Senseless robot violence always goes down smooth, and with Michael Bay at the helm, could you expect anything less than the best?


Well, you shouldn't.


Anyway. I have been blown away by every chapter of the Transformers saga, and this installment was no different. Each new movie has taken on a bigger plot with bigger crises, bigger battles, and so much more at stake. The bad guys are badder, the weapons are bigger, and more things blow up. 

Michael Bay has a knack for combining the science fiction-y fantastical with raw human emotion and behavior. He makes the far-fetched concept of cybernetic lifeforms bringing their planet to ours seem believable, because he meshes it seamlessly with identifiable, sometimes ugly, sometimes heroic, humanity. The Autobots and the humans have a lot to learn from each other, and in DOTM parallels are drawn between what it means to be a human, and what it means to be an alien, what it means to be a hero or a villain, and most importantly, what it means to be free to do what is right. 

The star-studded supporting cast was also a pleasant surprise. McDreamy goes evil, and Watt is resurrected as a German secretary...bitch. (See Patrick Dempsey and Alan Tudyk)

That being said, this is not my favorite Transformers film. I think sometimes the humor in these movies is a little too overplayed, and it felt like the movie had more integral cast members than it knew what to do with. Beloved characters like Agent Simmons and Soundwave (personal preference here) didn't get nearly as much screen time as I would have liked. Laserbeak makes his debut, though, and I loved the way he was portrayed as a total douchenheimer. Bumblebee is at his most badass, and I did enjoy the way Autobots like Ironhide (*sniff*) and Sideswipe got more fighting sequences. Optimus had a tendency to behave like a little bitch during the first part of the movie, but he more than made up for it during the final battle.


Without giving too much away, much of the film's opening sequence deals with the moon landing. I really liked the way actual footage from that historic accomplishment was combined with actors. No better way to end a review than with a lame observation.


SO THAT'S NOT HOW IT ENDS. Here's the kicker - the end-all reason I geeked for almost the entire movie. Leonard Nimoy is the voice actor for Sentinel Prime.

WHAAAAAAAT.

 

 

 

That's like the happiest marriage of things I nerd about at an unhealthy level. 


SO. If you haven't seen it, change that. Now. 


Thanks for sticking it out to the end of another drawn out, over indulgent blog condoning robot-on-robot violence and the important lessons they learn about love. You're scrumptious.

Live Your Life Just Like A Dream Without The Pain Of Good-Byes

"Days pass and turn into weeks, when we don't even speak. We just lay wide awake, and pretend we're asleep. And you go home alone, and you're checking your phone, and you're looking at me, like I'm something you own." -Changing, The Airborne Toxic Event

 

I'm growing up. I'm changing. Ergo, be regaled by some helter skelter maxims that have been rattling around in my brain as of late.

"I've owned up, I've grown up, do you remember me? I showed up and so what if I'm a used-to-be." -Overweight, Blue October

Just because my opinions are different, does not mean I'm wrong. Yeah, I'm young and naive and stupid, but at least I know it. And at least I'm living, trying, experiencing at all.

I don't love Jesus any less because I choose not to fraternize every Sunday morning with a church community that gossips about me and patronizes me. Or because I don't listen to Christian radio. Or because some of my best friends are dropouts and pot smokers. You can't claim to serve God and try to be Him at the same time. You can't judge the people you say you're attempting to save. Or the people you have the audacity to refer to as your "church family."

Jesus was out to change hearts, not wardrobes. He went to the places He was needed, throwing caution and His reputation to the wind.

Just because someone is smarter than everyone else does not mean they are always right or that everyone else around them is always wrong. Pompous isn't a good color on anyone.

I'd rather be rugged and work at a job where I get my hands dirty and break a sweat than be stuck behind a desk my whole life. To me, the environment in which you work and the people you work with are infinitely more important than the job itself. I'd rather be poor and happy than rich and miserable (see above statement about being young and naive and stupid).

People deserve to be treated like they matter. 

We are not the sum of our actions. We are, for better or worse, whatever exists in our hearts.

To that end, pay attention to what goes on in there. 

"I wanna learn to walk with others as an equal. I wanna treat the ones who love me with respect. I wanna tell the world I'll give them all a piggyback, and try to take away my negative effect." -Overweight, Blue October

The Point Between Rage & Serenity

 Kurt: Someone so beautiful should not be so angry.

Storm: Sometimes anger can help you survive.

Kurt: So can faith.

I've been on a pretty big X Men kick lately, mostly due to the two times I've seen X Men: First Class in theatres in as many weeks. I've been a huge fan of the X Men since I was a wee lad. When I was a chunky, individualistic, awkward elementary school misfit, these characters and their world provided a security blanket and safe haven I could identify with and lose myself in. Some six years later, I have a much better sense of self and confidence, but I didn't approach First Class with any less enthusiasm. It's spectacular. I initially approached the concept of the film with trepidation (how could anyone besides Patrick Stewart possibly be Charles Xavier?) but the new cast is awesome. I enjoyed the cameo appearances by Hugh Jackman and Rebecca Romijn especially. But Michael Fassbender's performance as Magneto gave me chills. He captured the multi-tiered and dangerous structure that is the metal-bender's soul with grace and finesse. I'm the first to admit I have a soft spot in my heart for the anti-hero. Erik Lansherr is not so much a villain as the result of human darkness and cruelty. Brought up differently, his intentions may have had a nobler bent. Fassbender was the perfect manifestation of Magneto's rage, pain, and the small glimmer of goodness that holds it all together. Not to mention...UNF.

Magentar: The Last Fassbender.

So I'm pretty nerdy/passionate about this. Anyway, here are the musings of the week:


Last week I pointed out to one of my middle-aged male co-workers that the way he complains about his weight makes him sound like a 16-year-old girl. I spoke in jest, but the truth of the statement still resounds. Having been a 16-year-old girl, I can say I am somewhat of an expert on the subject. Being a girl is tougher than it looks to the untrained eye and can often be a frightening and confusing experience. Not unlike Mutants, our bodies go through crazy changes without the slightest warning and worry often plagues us en masse when we wonder what others may think of us. I can't say I speak for every girl ever (what a nightmare that would be) but I do know what it's like to feel like I'm a prisoner in my own body, that everyone must think I am a hideous lagoon creature, that no one could ever possibly love or accept me.
To paraphrase Lord Voldemort's twitter: "Don't worry what people think of you, because most people aren't thinking." Evil fictional character or not, he has a valid point. Chances are, you are way more beautiful than you think. Chances are people do not think "oh, look at that fatass" everywhere you go. I mean, the most important thing will always be how you view yourself, but don't waste valuable time and energy worrying what others think of you. The only person you should improve for is you. 
Right. Way easier said than done. I've struggled with body image and the way the upperclassmen music majors must judge me for my robot hat, but I'm getting better at doing the things I like and looking the way I want simply because I want to. Self-confidence is not a flimsy excuse to be lazy or sloppy, but it is a surefire way to feel better about yourself no matter what. And it doesn't hurt to hang around people who remind you how awesome you are.


And besides, even if you're not fat or ugly, if you complain about how fat-slash-ugly you are all day long, no one will ever love you. Not because you are fat-slash-ugly, but because you are annoying as all get-out.

Don't let negativity destroy you, whether it comes from outside or from within.

Everyone's a Critic!

Even me! How 'bout that. This will just be a hodgepodge conglomeration of reviews of things I've watched and read recently. I do hope you enjoy it.

"I'm an international criminal...it always ends like this! I met my wife at one o' these things."

The Hangover Part II

The Hangover II was really funny. The plot line was EXACTLY the same. I can see why critics would rip it apart on those grounds. But in a way, for this kind of movie, it makes sense. The jokes were still funny. And it did feel like a sequel, not like the same jokes recycled. There were enough allusions to the first installment but not enough to confuse a first-time viewer. It didn’t try too hard to be better or different, a common issue sequels run into in any medium. They could easily make a third about Alan getting hitched (oh I hope they do). In my opinion, there were some plot holes. But they showed me enough of Bradley Cooper’s poorly clothed bod that it’s an issue I can easily overlook. The humor was smart enough that I wasn’t bored, but crass enough for the genre. I especially enjoyed the huge black guy behind me in the theatre providing his own commentary for the whole film. If you loved the first one, I’d definitely recommend going to see Part II.

"I never wanted to kill. I am not naturally evil

Such things I do

just to make myself more attractive to you

Have I failed?" 

-Morrissey, "The Last of the Famous International Playboys"

Let Me In is an excellent story. The horror was beautifully written and the imagery was smart and creepy as hell. Chuck Palahniuk can’t hold a loaded gun to the description of self-mutilation and just plain gore this Swedish Stephen King created. John Ajvide Lindqvist managed to gross me out, give me chills, and impress me with his tasteful literary prowess all at once on more than one occasion. For many scenes, I felt like I was actually watching the events instead of reading them off the page.

What really stuck out to me was the way all the characters had full and believable lives outside of the supernatural and terrible circumstances that befell them. Oskar was a complete and identifiable teenage boy before and while he was dealing with meeting a vampire his own age. No character stepped out of their personal bounds in order to make the plot work or for the author to subliminally make some point or cultural commentary. Also, there is no obvious protagonist. There is neither any particular “good” character or an inherently “bad” one. Lindqvist even manages to make you sympathize with the pedophile, simply because he paints him as more than just a monster. The same goes for the vampiric little “girl” and Oskar’s bullying schoolmates. Let Me In encases myriad characters with all sorts of backgrounds and moral codes, but the plot never gets too tangled or confusing, and the conclusion satisfies all the loose ends to at least some degree. At times I felt the subject matter got a little too gruesome just for the sheer shock value of it, but the imagery and the way it helped to move the plot made up for it.

This is definitely more than your average horror story, or vampire novel, or even tale of teen angst. Let Me In addresses many issues of the mind, spirit, and body across a huge emotional spectrum, all against the backdrop of a small, sad town besotted by outside terrors that could only be rivaled by the terrors already residing within.

Plus I was totally freaked each night I had to walk home in the dark while I was reading it.

"Are you out of your Vulcan mind?!"

Star Trek. Released in 2009, directed by J J Abrams.

I saw this movie when it came out in theatres, and I watched it again yesterday night. Star Trek is an excellent film on many levels and it satisfies a variety of genres. I was raised on The Original Series and The Next Generation, and I’m proud to say I’ve been a Trekkie for the majority of my 19 years on your world.

I didn’t keep up on how much more stalwart Trek fans than I reacted to this movie, but I’m sure it was a mixed bag of approval and absolute disgust. But I know that’s just the way this kind of thing goes. No X-Men movie will ever be good enough for certain comic book enthusiasts and purists, no Superman movie has ever gotten the lore exactly right, and the Hulk movies, well...there’s a certain circle of Hell reserved for those responsible for that nightmare.

Anyway. As opposed to older Star Trek films (starring! William! Shatner!) Abrams’ work is more accessible to the individual who may be experiencing the final frontier for the first time. He has smokin’ hot actors for every species to enjoy as well as breathtaking fight sequence after suspenseful space battle that kept me on the edge of my seat the second and third time watching. There are obvious Bones (yes, pun intended) thrown in for the more seasoned audience, including the cameo role of Leonard Nimoy, the original Dr. Spock, playing, well, the original Dr. Spock.

I think the movie was definitely considerate of the years of lore and character development it had to accommodate, while still creating a celluloid treasure for all kinds of viewers. I am not a purist by any means, but I know my fair share of what happened to the Vulcan people, and I think Star Trek did a good job of staying true to its roots.

Several of the cast members, however, really threw me. For example, watching Heroes’  Sylar (Zachary Quinto) behave like a meek little pansy was hard for me to stomach at first. But at least he is a star of the sci-fi genre. Jennifer Morrison (Dr. Cameron from House) and Winona Ryder each have small, but important roles in the film. These women are both excellent actors (especially if Ms. Morrison is not a huge bitch in real life. Sorry. But Chase is SO much better off without her. ANYWAY), but it was weird for me to watch them play beloved roles in a Star Trek movie. Research from a high school sociology project taught me Winona Ryder is a self-proclaimed “trekkie.” It’s not wrong for her to get a supporting role in a story she loves, but it made me feel like the mainstream was invading a cult treasure. This is not necessarily true, and it may have in fact made this movie an even larger gateway into keeping Star Trek alive in the cinema, which would be a huge win for everyone. It was just a little jarring for me, the same way I felt about Harold from the Harold and Kumar movies piloting the Enterprise. Again, not a big deal, but something I noticed and this is my blog, so, I’ll rant about it. But at the end of the day, this all-systems-go film performs an impressive balancing act between the cult classic and the mainstream action thriller.
 

BUT COME ON. WHY THE HELL WAS TYLER PERRY AN ADMIRAL AT STARFLEET ACADEMY. WHAT IS UP WITH THAT. 

This more than consoles me.

Live long and prosper. Bitches.

Of Awkward Sunburns and Teen Angst

Summertime! Yes sir, my freshman year of college is officially over! I've been home for almost two weeks, and I still don't think it's really sunk in yet. It feels like no time has gone by since the last May I spent blogging in my room.

But regardless of how I feel, a lot of time has passed, and a lot of things have changed. I went from being engaged back to being single again, a lot of my friendships have shifted, and I think I changed at least a little bit personally as well. I guess all of that is natural, part of the growing up process, as it were. This last semester in particular has contained some of the best and worst times of my life thus far. Some particularly awesome new friendships were forged, all the while old connections and options have been closed off to me for what feels like forever. I'm not completely happy with how things stand in my life right now emotionally, romantically, or academically, but I spend the majority of my waking hours feeling good about myself and the choices I've made. Some days I think that's really the most anyone can ask for at nineteen.

Anyway, one of the coolest things about college is the learning experience you get outside of the lecture halls. Some of my best teachers were the upperclassmen who took me under their proverbial wings and pushed me to break out of my narrow and self-centered perceptions and either deal with my issues head-on or shut up about them completely. I had heard that you get exposed to all kinds of different people and worldviews once you hit the collegiate level of academics, but the immense truth of what I considered kind of a cliche was finally impressed on me, and I am grateful for it. Dealing with everything from cancelling a marriage to debating whether to continue in my major or not, I am extremely glad and lucky to have had the people around me that I did, or I doubt I would have made it through the year.

To that end, I still have a lot to figure out about myself and the world at large. But I think that's okay. This academic year has taught me it's important not to let pride get in the way of seeking help and guidance. As one piano major said to me in passing one day, "No one here wants to see you fail." I often have a hard time asking for assistance. I don't want to seem needy or inept. But I think I've finally learned I'll be alright as long as I'm willing to keep learning in any way I can, from whoever I can. 

Now that I've established I definitely don't know everything (not even half, probably) here are some things I have discovered so far.

1. When you are in a relationship or in some way romantically involved, your significant other should love you for -at least in part- your quirks and weird little habits. Everyone is a little bit weird, after all. In my last relationship I was so grateful that Boy liked me in spite of my Star Trek Encyclopedia and my intense music nerdiness and my ability to summarize almost every episode of Stargate SG-1. Now that I think about it, I have to ask myself, then why did he like me at all? Music and movies and literature and comic books are all passions of mine, and if your boyfriend or whoever is merely patting you on the head and dismissing the things that are important to you, then something probably needs to change. I have learned not to be prideful, but you should never stop taking pride in your dreams or your talents, especially for someone who refuses to appreciate every strange part of you, or who thinks what you love is stupid. I'm not saying you're always going to adore every trait or hobby of your significant other, but you should at least be able to respect each others' interests. A life without passion is utterly useless. And a relationship founded on dismissal or overlooking falls under the same category.

2. There are different kinds of weird. There are good, healthy types of weird, and then there are people who I believe go out of their way to make themselves seem over-the-top and ridiculous in order to be accepted or to seem impressive. In my experience, these people are not impressive, they are frigging crazy. So, if you are going to market yourself as an untouchable, unlovable weirdo, don't complain when you're all alone! You designed yourself for loneliness, so I don't want to hear you bitch about how lonely you are. Relationships are about acceptance, but they are also about compromise. If you won't curb your weird self-created fetishes or uncomfortable dinner table conversations, be prepared to deal with the consequences. I don't believe that anyone is unlovable, but I do believe its stupid and fruitless to create an unlovable identity for yourself.

3. It is always better to hurt someone a little by being honest and upfront with them from the beginning than lying (or just omitting important details) and hurting more people to a greater degree later. I have a hard time with this concept. There are behavioral habits I have that I know are bad, but instead of coming clean, I often keep the things I don't like or I know my friends will disapprove of in the shadows and pretend that I am good. So, this epiphany is one I am still working on actually implementing in my life. 

4. This one harkens back to my first point. You have passions, I have passions, we all scream for ice cream. And we should all do what we want to do, for no other reason than we want to do it. The best way I can explain this is through personal experience. The boy I was engaged to is going to school to become a pastor. I plan on going for a career in music ministry. It seemed like the perfect match. Matt would be the pastor of the church, and I would oversee the worship aspect. Breaking up with him was a difficult decision for me, in part due to the fact I used to be so sure our career paths were intertwined. But the more I thought about it, I came to this conclusion: I felt God's call on my life long before I even knew Matt existed. If this is truly the direction I should go, and I still believe it is, then I will get to where I need to be regardless of my relationship status. Having someone in your life to encourage and support you can make everything seem a lot more bearable, but if you have goals or directions for your life, then follow them for you, and not to please anyone else. Being by yourself can be scary, but there's nothing wrong with it. God did create us to interact and love one another, but He is also more than enough for us by Himself.

So. Carpe Diem, and stuff. 


A lot of things in my life have changed, and they are still changing. Today, my big brother graduated college (The ceremony was outside, hence the awkward sunburns on my fair-skinned sibling and I). If all goes as planned, he'll be getting a job and moving away before the summer is out. I'll probably be at least a little devastated when he leaves, but I'm also excited for him. This summer promises to be full of concerts and visiting friends all over the country and I'm ready for whatever is going to happen. 


In the meantime, listen to The Airborne Toxic Event's new album "All At Once." The songs have a whole new kind of grandeur and storytelling with a wider range of emotions and instrumentation. All around a solid and interesting (not to mention aurally pleasing ;D) album. So, do that. Yup.


Thanks for reading. 
Love.
MAnDers