Let's Tango

14 DAYS TIL SPACE DRACULA'S BASKETBALL EXPO AHHHHH YAYYYY WHOOOO.

...I still need to acquire moon boots. And a cape. >.> But have no fear! Squandering much time and money on nonsensical accessories is the new name of the game.

Also. Check out my sweet beard. I think I'll be Abe Lincoln for Halloween.

I just finished the second week of my summer job (I'm a custodian. It's just as sexy as it sounds) and that's been pretty fantastic. I'm thoroughly convinced one of my co-workers is a robot (or at least a cyborg) and if that isn't exciting enough I've cleaned numerous offices and learned how to operate heavy machinery! Huzzah!

My job is always interesting because we have such an eclectic mix of people on our crew that the melting pot of opinions on everything from religion to today's youth is almost always bubbling over. It's provided an interesting perspective for me because I am the youngest employee by at least 20 years, and rubbing elbows with parents and cancer survivors and even the select few with massive chips on their shoulders has taught me a lot already. And it's made me hope sincerely that cynicism is in no way contagious.


BUT THIS POST WILL PREDOMINANTLY BE ABOUT TRANSFORMERS: DARK OF THE MOON.


It took two viewings for me to form my highly professional opinion, but Transformers 3 is nothing short of an epic. Senseless robot violence always goes down smooth, and with Michael Bay at the helm, could you expect anything less than the best?


Well, you shouldn't.


Anyway. I have been blown away by every chapter of the Transformers saga, and this installment was no different. Each new movie has taken on a bigger plot with bigger crises, bigger battles, and so much more at stake. The bad guys are badder, the weapons are bigger, and more things blow up. 

Michael Bay has a knack for combining the science fiction-y fantastical with raw human emotion and behavior. He makes the far-fetched concept of cybernetic lifeforms bringing their planet to ours seem believable, because he meshes it seamlessly with identifiable, sometimes ugly, sometimes heroic, humanity. The Autobots and the humans have a lot to learn from each other, and in DOTM parallels are drawn between what it means to be a human, and what it means to be an alien, what it means to be a hero or a villain, and most importantly, what it means to be free to do what is right. 

The star-studded supporting cast was also a pleasant surprise. McDreamy goes evil, and Watt is resurrected as a German secretary...bitch. (See Patrick Dempsey and Alan Tudyk)

That being said, this is not my favorite Transformers film. I think sometimes the humor in these movies is a little too overplayed, and it felt like the movie had more integral cast members than it knew what to do with. Beloved characters like Agent Simmons and Soundwave (personal preference here) didn't get nearly as much screen time as I would have liked. Laserbeak makes his debut, though, and I loved the way he was portrayed as a total douchenheimer. Bumblebee is at his most badass, and I did enjoy the way Autobots like Ironhide (*sniff*) and Sideswipe got more fighting sequences. Optimus had a tendency to behave like a little bitch during the first part of the movie, but he more than made up for it during the final battle.


Without giving too much away, much of the film's opening sequence deals with the moon landing. I really liked the way actual footage from that historic accomplishment was combined with actors. No better way to end a review than with a lame observation.


SO THAT'S NOT HOW IT ENDS. Here's the kicker - the end-all reason I geeked for almost the entire movie. Leonard Nimoy is the voice actor for Sentinel Prime.

WHAAAAAAAT.

 

 

 

That's like the happiest marriage of things I nerd about at an unhealthy level. 


SO. If you haven't seen it, change that. Now. 


Thanks for sticking it out to the end of another drawn out, over indulgent blog condoning robot-on-robot violence and the important lessons they learn about love. You're scrumptious.

The Point Between Rage & Serenity

 Kurt: Someone so beautiful should not be so angry.

Storm: Sometimes anger can help you survive.

Kurt: So can faith.

I've been on a pretty big X Men kick lately, mostly due to the two times I've seen X Men: First Class in theatres in as many weeks. I've been a huge fan of the X Men since I was a wee lad. When I was a chunky, individualistic, awkward elementary school misfit, these characters and their world provided a security blanket and safe haven I could identify with and lose myself in. Some six years later, I have a much better sense of self and confidence, but I didn't approach First Class with any less enthusiasm. It's spectacular. I initially approached the concept of the film with trepidation (how could anyone besides Patrick Stewart possibly be Charles Xavier?) but the new cast is awesome. I enjoyed the cameo appearances by Hugh Jackman and Rebecca Romijn especially. But Michael Fassbender's performance as Magneto gave me chills. He captured the multi-tiered and dangerous structure that is the metal-bender's soul with grace and finesse. I'm the first to admit I have a soft spot in my heart for the anti-hero. Erik Lansherr is not so much a villain as the result of human darkness and cruelty. Brought up differently, his intentions may have had a nobler bent. Fassbender was the perfect manifestation of Magneto's rage, pain, and the small glimmer of goodness that holds it all together. Not to mention...UNF.

Magentar: The Last Fassbender.

So I'm pretty nerdy/passionate about this. Anyway, here are the musings of the week:


Last week I pointed out to one of my middle-aged male co-workers that the way he complains about his weight makes him sound like a 16-year-old girl. I spoke in jest, but the truth of the statement still resounds. Having been a 16-year-old girl, I can say I am somewhat of an expert on the subject. Being a girl is tougher than it looks to the untrained eye and can often be a frightening and confusing experience. Not unlike Mutants, our bodies go through crazy changes without the slightest warning and worry often plagues us en masse when we wonder what others may think of us. I can't say I speak for every girl ever (what a nightmare that would be) but I do know what it's like to feel like I'm a prisoner in my own body, that everyone must think I am a hideous lagoon creature, that no one could ever possibly love or accept me.
To paraphrase Lord Voldemort's twitter: "Don't worry what people think of you, because most people aren't thinking." Evil fictional character or not, he has a valid point. Chances are, you are way more beautiful than you think. Chances are people do not think "oh, look at that fatass" everywhere you go. I mean, the most important thing will always be how you view yourself, but don't waste valuable time and energy worrying what others think of you. The only person you should improve for is you. 
Right. Way easier said than done. I've struggled with body image and the way the upperclassmen music majors must judge me for my robot hat, but I'm getting better at doing the things I like and looking the way I want simply because I want to. Self-confidence is not a flimsy excuse to be lazy or sloppy, but it is a surefire way to feel better about yourself no matter what. And it doesn't hurt to hang around people who remind you how awesome you are.


And besides, even if you're not fat or ugly, if you complain about how fat-slash-ugly you are all day long, no one will ever love you. Not because you are fat-slash-ugly, but because you are annoying as all get-out.

Don't let negativity destroy you, whether it comes from outside or from within.

Nicholas Cage KICKs Avatar's ASS...what???

He can't read your mind (or focus in school, or stop getting mugged, or control his sexual fantasies, or get a date with a girl unless he pretends to be gay) but he CAN kick your ass.

Ladies and gentlemen, I am here to make the declaration that Kick-Ass > Avatar OR any other film to grace the silver screen in the past year.

Seriously, Kick-Ass made me laugh, cry, and clutch my boyfriend's hand in terror. It was incredible. What I thought was going to be some kind of Watchmen/Superbad spoof turned out to be a Daredevil/Watchmen/X-Men mash-up blended all together with a healthy dose of Quentin-Tarantino-style violence and narration. As young, angsty Dave Lizewski attempts to right some of the wrongs in his violence ridden neighborhood and unfulfilled personal life, he finds himself up against bigger forces of good (and evil) than he could have ever possibly imagined. Namely: an ex-cop with a serious vendetta, his bloodthirsty pre-teen daughter, and a mob-boss with a socially inept son.

He also gets the girl, which is an added bonus, I guess.

Anyway, one of the biggest selling points of this movie for me was the fact that Nicholas Cage was a lead role, and I DIDN'T ABHOR EVERY SECOND HE WAS ON THE SCREEN. It was like his character was one giant apology for every film he's ever ruined. When Mr. Cage makes a film instead of breaking it, you know it's a must-see.

Secondly, the characterization of all the leads was expertly revealed throughout the plot. Cage's character (Big Daddy...I know, I know, but it's the movie's only flaw) seems at face value to be like any other crime fighting vigilante you always seem to find in the dirtiest parts of New York. However, he turns out to be a borderline psychopath who has to balance caring for his young daughter who he obviously loves desperately, and turning her into a tiny killing machine/partner with which to enact his vengeance on the mob boss who caused the suicide of his wife and his false imprisonment. His internal conflicts parallel Dave/Kick-Ass', as he tries to figure out how to be a functioning member of the teenage society, with all its hormones and anxieties, as well as perform the duties of a kick-ass superhero. And convince the girl of his dreams that he wants to be more than her gay BFF. The mobster's son, a kid Dave's age, also becomes conflicted when he enters the world of hero-wannabe's under his own costumed facade, and then has to choose between the awkward good intentions of almost ordinary people, or the live executions and drug deals that make his father's world, and the business he so desperately wants to run one day.


All that English nerd-type stuff aside, the movie was a lot more violent than I expected, but it was in that Sin City, Tarantino-y way that is both comical, horrifying, and above all, awesome. Kick-Ass also packed the quick-paced satirical humor that one does not generally associate with movies that involve people exploding in giant microwaves and the use of phrases like "rip his lungs out through his ass." Yeah, Kick-Ass was all about the kind of laughs that are not spawned from humor so much as a nervous reaction to something gruesome.

That being said, the language and gore in the movie were necessary to make it as amazing as it was. It's not very often that a film about teenage superheroes contains laughs, horror, and pulse-racing drama. I had a hard time getting out of the my seat as the end credits started to roll. I was still taking in the past two hours of entertainment, and how they had absolutely blown my mind. Please go see it, because films that kick your ass AND make you think are few and far between.


Oh, and PS-- already a movie star at thirteen, Chloe Moretz (Hit-Girl) was AMAZING, and by far my favorite character. I hope we get to see a lot more from her in this vein in the future.


PPS-- If this blog hasn't convinced you to see Kick-Ass: THERE'S A BAZOOKA. And it's used.

Guess that's all for now :) Come back soon to hear about why Spring Break is awesomer when your boyfriend's a philosophy major (BUM BUM BUM...)

Love,
MAnDers!

Since the movie was lame...

here's my edit!

RELEASE THE KRACKEN!!

the end :D

Attention Feminism: YOU ARE STUPID. And apparently quite ineffective.

I StumbledUpon this just now

And I found myself compelled to rant about it. Buckle up.

According to this article, by, ironically, Woman's Day, any film that depicts any kind of gore, sex, violence, or some form of a wide range of controversial topics that is directed by a woman is some kind of huge-ass deal. This is equal parts hilarious and ridiculous. Not to mention a slap in the face to every woman who shakes their fist and tears their wife beater in rage, demanding that they should have penises too.

From the article: "Definitely one of the more violent movies in cinematic history, American Psycho is extremely graphic and gory, giving us reason to think a man created the film." In short: LOLZ. 

Now, I'm all for equal rights for women and men, equal pay for the same jobs, the vote, etc., but the modern-day bra burners who run under the banner that women should be exactly the same as men are either a) illusioned or b) just plain dumb. That, however, is for another post/rant. In any event, these angry x chromosomes are clearly not getting very far, because according to this article it is some gigoonder shock for a woman to create a film that has, say, balls in it.

At this point, I just wanted to draw attention to the amazing silliness that exists on the Internet, and in the minds of feminists and the incredibly ignorant/uninformed alike. Just because men and women are not necessarily physically equal, does not mean that girls are incapable of directing an edgy or questionable movie. Though muscle mass and reproductive oragans may differ amongst the sexes, creative license and imagination were definitely given in equal portion to both.

Toodle-oo :D

How To Train Your Titans (in 3-D!!)

Hola.

This is my first blog post.

Yayyy.

I have yet to fully decide what this blog's purpose as a whole will be, or whether or not anything I have to say bears any real merit in the first place. But IN ANY EVENT, I have been going to the movies a WHOLE LOT lately, and so I thought I would review the happenings of the silver screen for your dining and dancing (and reading) pleasure.

Ahem.

Last weekend I went to the midnight showing of Clash of the Titans in 3-D. I went with three of my friends and the only four seats we could find all together were in the area specifically designated for handicapped people. Heck yeah we sat in them. Liam Neeson demanded the sacrifice. Unfortunately, he must have shelved his god-like qualities along with his lightsaber and his Awesome, because he SUCKED as Zeus. If he only had used the same inflections in his famous "I will find you. I will kill you." when he gave Hades permission to release the Kraken (sp?) some of the movie's epic might have been restored. 


Alas, here was the situation on Mount Olympus...
Hades: *billows in Stereotypical Bad Guy Cape-Thing all sneaky up to his brother, hisses* Zeusssssssss ["Precioussssssss"]
Zeus:*lolls on his white throne, waves his arm lazily* What do you want, O Evil-Looking Sibling?
Hades: *in husky Bad Guy voice* I am going to trick you with my simplistic and bitter plan so as to destroy you and the human race in one fell and evil swoop.
Zeus: Oh, Okay. Well you can, like, release that Kraken thing. If you want.


Quite disappointing. Although Clash stayed true to the myth of Perseus for the most part, there was far too much attempt at plot and storytelling for my tastes. I mean, come onnnn. The movie's called CLASH OF THE TITANS. I expected a LOT more epic fighting between crazy savage Greek misfits and giant scorpions. And stuff. The blind witches and the fight with Medusa were cool, but other than that, Clash had very little in the way of redeeming qualities. Even the 3-D wasn't that impressive, and the Kraken looked like a ripoff from Cloverfield. For the two seconds he was on the screen, anyway. The highlight of my evening was watching my friend Pudd power through four Burger King sandwiches in approximately five minutes, if that gives you any perspective on what the film was like.


Moving on from this celluloid blunder, I'll talk about How to Train Your Dragon. 


Definitely the most awesome animated film I've seen in a long time. This is an admirable and impressive effort from Dreamworks, who has finally seemed to figure out how to create more than one facial expression for every lead role in their movies. Dragon follows the story of the young Viking, Hiccup, and how his fragile and conflicted young soul tries to decide between what he thinks is right, and what his society demands of him. There were a lot of layers to the plot, which I did not expect from a little kids' movie. Hiccup has to choose between saving the dragons he has grown to love and understand, or finally being accepted by his gruff and aloof father, who is also (of course) the leader of the Vikings. Hiccup struggles between two worlds: the wild and scary freedom of Toothless and his pals, and the pugnacious lifestyle of his family and friends, until he eventually discovers that both are necessary for his life to be fulfilled. 


Hiccup's turmoil mirrors the normal everyday problems of the regular, non-barbaric adolescent, and I think that this movie will be adored by kids and grown-ups alike. I thoroughly enjoyed it, and the vertigo-inspiring 3-D was spectacular. Added Bonus: you can get Toothless shirts for real cheap at Wal-Mart :D

So yeah. I been hittin' the cinema pretty hard for the past couple months, and there are plenty more movies I could critique, but Pudd and Seth are coming over, and we're gonna go Cosmic Bowling. 

Stay tuned <3